Originally published at OSHO NEWS online magazine
Both the phallic and hysteric have different strategies to get attention and approval. The hysteric unconsciously acts in ways that make her the dramatic centre of attention; the phallic gets approval by being super-achieving. They both have an abundance of energy though the phallic keeps his tightly under control and the hysteric throws hers out incontinently in a failed attempt to love.
Rick is attracted by Debbie’s bubbly and emotional nature. He thinks she looks great and senses her juicy sexual energy.
Debbie is attracted by Rick’s aloofness and unreachable quality. It adds to his mystique. She senses the passion underneath his control and is reassured by his masculine competence, and go-ahead nature. She also likes his expensive but understated car.
Rick starts to find Debbie too emotionally demanding. He can’t make sense of her emotional outbursts and confused and contradictory speeches.
Debbie finds that Rick really is not just aloof, but unreachable. He seems to give more priority to his work and his car than to her, and she starts to feel desperate in her attempts to get through to him. Debbie’s expressions become more and more emotionally high voltage, with cloudbursts and thunderstorms which more and more drive Rick away. The more he retreats, the more Debbie ramps up the voltage.
Rick likes practical answers, and so he reads a book that suggests he simply listens to Debbie. As he listens and listens without reasoning, offering solutions or running away from the storms he is surprised to find that she relaxes because she finally feels seen and understood. Through this he discovers a quality completely new to him…non-doing; not solving, not achieving, not focussed on a goal.
When all Debbie’s energy is not going out to get his attention she relaxes into herself and experiences the fullness of her own love in a way that can make real connection rather than striving for it and driving Rick away.